Before You Say "I Do": Preparing For Marriage - Everything You Should Know About Everything including Music, celebrities, and your mentors

Tuesday, March 5, 2019

Before You Say "I Do": Preparing For Marriage

Everything You Need To Know Before Getting Married

By Sunday Joseph 

When it comes to the issue of getting married in these present days, so many youths and young adults gets it wrong along the way. I can remember that while growing up then, our parent usually tell us that then, they do not have to think about love or anything. it is either their own parent find a wife for them or they go to the village, see a beautiful lady, then take palm wine and kolanuts to the lad's parent.

But welcome to the 21st century when you have to settle down and look for your right partner. Before I delve fully into this article, let me share a short story that I heard recently. The story goes thus;

"A man was travelling in an airplane to another country and while sitting down, enjoying his flight, the young man sitted next to him noticed that he was wearing his wedding ring on the wrong finger and immediately called his attention to it, saying "Sir, you are putting your wedding ring on the wrong finger" and the man reply quickly that "don''t worry, it is because I married the wrong woman"

Now the problem the man is having is not because he married the wrong woman, it is because he refused to plan adequately for his marriage.

Marriage Vs Wedding

The words 'Marriage' and 'Wedding' are usually used instead of the other, and most times the true meaning of these words are misinterpreted. what really is marriage and also what is wedding. 

Wedding can be defined as the initiation into marriage, marriage starts a day after wedding. So many take their time to plan their wedding, but never sit down to plan their marriage. There was a lady, when asked how prepared she was for her marriage, she answered that "well, you know, as a matter of fact, I don't intend to use a car, I intend to ride a white horse, holding a white umbrella". And funny enough this lady cannot cook.

Right now you may be wondering that how then do you plan for this thing called marriage, because you really need to know to establish a beautiful life with your life partner.

What To Do When Preparing For Marriage

For the ladies, marriage is more than just looking for a rich, tall and handsome guy, God fearing and money loaded. For the men, it is more than looking for that fresh "Omalicha" that is set bodily, there is more to it.

READ! Good Books on Marriage and Learn

Let me start this by using this particular verse from the Bible, quoting from the book of Matthew 19:3 and 4, "The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?". These question came from the pharisees to Jesus, and the answer he gave to them actually made the hairs on my body to stand up, here is what he said, "And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female".

What really caught my attention most in that verse of the scripture is the statement "Have ye not read", So Jesus expected that if they have read, they won't be asking him such "Stupid" question. So before entering into this thing called marriage, it is very much advisable to chew on at least 15 books on marriage.

You may want to ask why you need to do that, the simple answer is that, before going into marriage, one needs to learn from the fathers. Those that have gone ahead of you, better still those that have spent a very long time in marriage.

About two months back, I went to the church where I worship and being a Sunday School teacher, the head of my class called me and told me, "Joe, you are taking the class on Sunday, go and prepare", that was on a Wednesday, I did not touch the teaching outline till it was Saturday night due to my work schedule. To my greatest surprise, the topic was on preparing for marriage, specifically, "Before I say I Do". Immediately, I closed the book and said to myself that I'm not doing again, because most of the people in my class are 'Over experienced'.

Around 1 am on Sunday morning, I finally decided to take the class but needed to strategise as much as possible. When I got to the class, I spoke a bit on marriage and made those who have spent over 30 years in marriage to talk on their experiences all those years. I can beat my chest to say that was one of the best class I have anchored in years as so many people learnt a lot, those that are yet to get married and those that had little or no experience when it comes to marriage.

Understand Each Other's Makeup

When God created man, he said to him, that it is not good for a man to be alone, I will make for you a "help meet". which means the woman was created to meet the needs of the man and the man to meet the needs of the woman. Some things people complain about in marriage are the "needs" they are suppose to be meeting.

An example of such is a man complaining that his wife talks too much, Bro, that is why you are there to listen. Men are known as people of few words but have a sharp listening capacity, whereas women are built with such verbal energy. So when a woman is talking, it is the man's job to listen, and when the husband is not willing to listen to his wife, she gets demoralized. But because she can't help herself and must spill out that information, she takes it out to other people who are willing to listen to her which is popularly known as gossiping.

So the man who is about to get married must take his time to study the makeup of a woman and what to expect from his wife, the same from the woman, so that they would live a very happy life together. If that is not done, the woman make look at the man one day and say to his face, "I never knew you were like this", or the man wakes up and tells the woman, "You are the worst thing that have ever happened to me".

Prepare For Marriage Not In Marriage

One of the reasons why people get it wrong is that they prepare in marriage and not for marriage. This can be compared to a soldier who prepare for a battle in the battlefield, before he can spell out "Jack Robinson", he is a goner. So there are expectancy which must be innate in each party before they become one. 

In the society where we find ourselves, it has become a standard that each member of the family is given his or her role in the family. For instance, in my hometown, the wives are meant to know how to cook really sweet food, because it is their believe that once your husband starts eating in another woman's place, it won't be long before she steals your husband (may not be the same in other places though).

There is a story of a particular lady who when her mother is cooking, that is when she is "hanging out with friends", "playing around", just to avoid stress. whenever she was back from her voyage, she see her mother clapping her hands over the pot and that was the only thing she learnt. The first day of the marriage, the husband told her to prepare his meal. Of course, she didn't know anything about cooking. So when she got into the kitchen, she also started clapping her hands over the pot. Your guess is as good as mine.

It may not be in this aspect alone, there are so many aspects to prepare for when it comes to marriage. Being single is not a disadvantage, rather, it is a time to prepare for your marriage. A marriage you don't prepare for will confuse and frustrate you. SO PREPARE!!!

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